The five things that make couples work

That is the idea behind the couples compatibility test. You each answer the same thirty questions on your own, and you see the comparison only once you have both finished. Neither of you sees the other's answers. What you get is five bars, one for each dimension, showing where you are alike and where the gap is widest.

A single compatibility score tells you nothing you can act on. Two couples could get the same number for completely different reasons: one pair shares a temperament but disagrees about money, the other argues about weekends but agrees on everything that matters.

Five bars tell you what to do next. The highest one is where you click, the thing you can lean on when life gets busy. The lowest one is where to talk. A wide gap on one dimension is not a problem in itself. It is a conversation you are better off having on purpose than discovering at a bad moment.

Temperament is your everyday personality: how curious, organised, sociable, accommodating and emotionally sensitive you are. The test draws on ten items from the five-factor model used in personality research.

You will recognise temperament gaps immediately. One of you has packed by Thursday, the other is still looking for a charger in the taxi. One of you wants to talk to everyone at the party, the other is counting down to home. These differences can be wonderful, because you cover each other's gaps. They become friction only when one person decides the other's way is wrong.

If you click here: life runs smoothly. You find the same things funny, tiring and exciting.

If you differ here: name the difference and divide the work. The organised one books the holiday; the spontaneous one decides what you do once you get there.

Connection is about how each of you handles closeness and distance. It draws on eight items about attachment: how much reassurance you want, and how much space you need.

This is often the dimension couples feel most and talk about least. If one of you likes a message during the day and the other forgets their phone exists until evening, that gap can feel personal when it is really just wiring.

If you click here: you rarely have to explain yourself. Closeness feels natural to both of you.

If you differ here: agree a few small, reliable habits. A text at lunch. A proper goodnight. Time alone that is planned rather than taken. Small and predictable beats grand and occasional. If you want to go further, the attachment style quiz is a good next step for each of you.

Lifestyle covers city or countryside, social or quiet weekends, how often you see each other's families, whether you would move abroad, and how much you want spontaneity over routine.

Lifestyle gaps show up on Saturday mornings. One of you has plans with friends, the other was looking forward to doing absolutely nothing. Over years, they show up in bigger choices: where to live, how to spend holidays, how much of your life to share with family.

If you click here: weekends are easy and big decisions feel obvious.

If you differ here: alternate rather than compromise every time. One social weekend, one quiet one. Some gaps, like where to live, deserve a long conversation well before they become urgent.

Priorities are the big values: saving versus spending, how household jobs are shared, how much career matters, family traditions, and whether you want children or more children.

These are the questions people often avoid in the early months, then discover they disagree about later. They are worth getting into the open. A gap here does not mean you are wrong for each other, but it does mean you need to talk honestly and kindly, sooner rather than later.

Because these topics are personal, they stay private. A wide gap on the children question is mentioned only on your private results page, never on the public card. If you share your result, it shows where you click, and the card never leads with priorities.

If you click here: you are pulling in the same direction, which makes everything else easier.

If you differ here: set aside an unhurried evening. Ask each other why the thing matters, not just what you want. The reason is usually where the compromise is hiding.

Conflict style is how you each handle a disagreement. Some people need to talk it through straight away. Others need to cool off first. Some treat personal space as essential, others feel it as distance.

Every couple argues. What matters is whether your styles fit. If one of you wants to sort it out now and the other wants to go for a walk first, the classic pattern is a chase: one pursues, the other retreats, and both feel worse.

If you click here: your arguments end. You both know how to get back to normal.

If you differ here: agree a rule before the next row. For example: either of you can call a pause, but whoever calls it suggests a time to pick it back up. That gives the one who needs to cool off some space, and the talker some certainty.

Sit down with your five bars side by side. Start with where you click; it is a good reminder of why you are together. Then pick the lowest bar and have one conversation about it. Not a fix, just a conversation. Ask each other, "What would make this easier for you?"

Then come back to it in a few months. Couples change, and the bars are a snapshot of where you are now. When you are ready, take the couples compatibility test together and see where you click.