Low self-awareness

You are a doer. When something goes wrong, your instinct is to keep moving, fix the next thing, and not make a fuss. That is a genuine asset, and it has carried you through plenty.

The trade-off is that feelings sometimes build up without a label. You might find yourself snapping at someone, or suddenly exhausted, or surprised by your own reaction, and not quite know where it came from. Someone else might say "you seem stressed" and it lands as news.

None of this means anything is missing. It means the signal is there and has not yet been tuned in. Your feelings already show up in your body and your behaviour. The next step is simply to start reading them on purpose.

At work you may be valued for being unflappable and practical. The cost can show up later: a headache at four o'clock, a short temper with a colleague, a sudden urge to quit something you were fine with yesterday. These are usually feelings that went unnoticed earlier in the day.

Start with what is easy to spot. Are your shoulders up? Are you scrolling instead of working? Are you reading the same line three times? Those are clues. Each one usually points to something: worry, boredom, frustration, tiredness.

Once you can name the clue, you can make a small choice. A glass of water, a five-minute walk, a quick honest word with your manager. Small choices add up quickly.

At home, partners and friends may sometimes feel they have to guess what is going on with you. When they ask, "Are you okay?" and you say "fine", they may not believe you, and you may not be entirely sure either.

Here the people around you are a resource. Ask someone you trust: "When I'm stressed, what do you notice?" Their answer will often be surprisingly specific. "You go quiet." "You start cleaning." "You stop replying to messages." Those are your early warning signs, handed to you for free.

Then practise replacing "fine" with one honest word. "Tired." "Wound up." "A bit low." It is a small sentence that makes a big difference to the people who love you.

This area grows faster than any other with steady practice. Start small.

• One word at bedtime. Each night, write a single word for how the day felt. That is the whole exercise. Do it for three weeks.
• The body scan in the queue. While waiting for the kettle or a train, check your jaw, shoulders, hands and stomach. Tight or loose?
• Name it to tame it. When you notice a strong reaction, say the feeling in your head: "This is irritation." Naming it softens it.
• Ask for a mirror. Once a month, ask a close friend what mood they have seen in you lately. Listen without arguing.